In this insightful episode of The Messy Mind Podcast, host Tammy L. Davis dives into the art of effective communication—a skill that often determines personal and professional success. Leveraging her extensive background in I.T. and organizational change management, Tammy uncovers five common communication mistakes that could be silently sabotaging your relationships, work dynamics, and personal growth. With a mix of engaging stories, real-world examples, and practical tips, Tammy makes it easy to apply these lessons right away, no matter where you are in your journey toward becoming a more effective communicator.
Whether you're looking to navigate tricky conversations at work or improve communication in your personal life, this episode is packed with transformative insights to help you thrive.
Don't let communication pitfalls hold you back any longer! Tune in now to discover how a few small changes can unlock big opportunities.
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[00:00:04] Welcome to The Messy Mind Podcast, a show to support you in seeing the messiness can lead to your lightbulb moments. I'm your host, Tammy L. Davis.
[00:00:26] I'm so glad that you are here and taking the time with me today to listen to this episode. And I want to talk about one of my favorite topics, which of course is communication.
[00:00:40] And I'm going to dive into the pitfalls of communication and really how to avoid them.
[00:00:48] As you know, good communication is the foundation of success in literally every sphere of our life, whether it's business, whether it's personal relationships, whether it is at work, whatever aspect of your life, you know, good communication is the foundation.
[00:01:08] And I have been in the IT information technology and organizational change management space for years.
[00:01:17] And I have seen how the greatest ideas can not only fail and how the most challenging issues can be resolved through great communication.
[00:01:30] So today I thought it would be great idea to share with you the five most common communication pitfalls that I've encountered and more importantly, how you can avoid them.
[00:01:43] So as I always say, when I'm about to give you some juicy nuggets, pull up the chair, put that phone on silent.
[00:01:51] You know, I have these little shorty episodes, but I always want you to walk away with actionable steps.
[00:01:57] I want you to walk away with tips that you can actually implement in your life.
[00:02:02] And with that said, grab the chair again, put the phone on silent, get your notebook out.
[00:02:08] And I'm going to jump right in.
[00:02:10] So communication pitfall number one is the lack of clarity.
[00:02:15] How many times have you assumed that others understand exactly what you mean?
[00:02:22] I know you've been in that situation.
[00:02:24] If you did not know my husband and I are renovating our house.
[00:02:29] We're still in the process, two years and counting.
[00:02:31] And by trade, my husband is a contractor.
[00:02:35] So you can only imagine as he's working, the area that he's working on now is the kitchen and stolen kitchen cabinets.
[00:02:43] And he is using terminology that I'm saying to myself, what are you saying?
[00:02:49] What are you, what tool do you want me to get?
[00:02:52] And he's getting so frustrated.
[00:02:53] And I guess he is because he figures that we've been together so long.
[00:02:57] We've been together for 26 years or 25 years.
[00:03:01] Oh my goodness.
[00:03:02] We've been married for 22.
[00:03:04] So I guess he's thinking, okay, by osmosis or maybe proximity, you should know what I'm talking about.
[00:03:10] But he's got to understand.
[00:03:12] And I let him understand vague language, jargon, incomplete explanations.
[00:03:18] Leave me and we'll leave other people confused.
[00:03:22] When we are not clear, we risk being understood, which of course can lead to poor decisions, errors.
[00:03:30] And like I said, in my husband's case and mine, frustration.
[00:03:35] However, that pitfall of lack of clarity can be avoided.
[00:03:39] So how do you avoid it?
[00:03:41] Be deliberate about your message.
[00:03:43] Be deliberate about what you are saying.
[00:03:47] Start with what you want the other person to take away from your communication.
[00:03:52] Simplify your language.
[00:03:54] Cut through the jargon and make sure that your message, your communication is tailored to your audience.
[00:04:01] Structure your communication with a clear beginning, middle, and end.
[00:04:05] And also ask for feedback to confirm understanding.
[00:04:09] A quick, does this make sense?
[00:04:11] Can go a long way to ensuring clarity.
[00:04:15] My husband was asking me about that specific tool.
[00:04:18] I had gotten to the point where I would come back with three or four and hold them up and say,
[00:04:23] is this what you mean?
[00:04:24] Is this what you're asking for?
[00:04:26] Those four steps are how you can avoid the pitfall lack of clarity.
[00:04:31] Number two, failure to listen actively.
[00:04:34] This is probably one of my favorite pitfalls to go through.
[00:04:38] Many people listen to respond.
[00:04:40] They do not listen to understand.
[00:04:44] When people listen, they tend to want to get to the place where they get to input or communicate their input.
[00:04:54] And I always say that interruptions, distractions, or simply waiting for our turn to speak diminishes the quality of our interactions because we've missed the opportunity.
[00:05:05] And that, of course, can lead to misunderstandings.
[00:05:08] How do you avoid the pitfall of failure to listen?
[00:05:11] Practice active listening.
[00:05:13] This means being fully present, focus on the person who's speaking, and of course, showing empathy and, of course, interest in what they are saying.
[00:05:23] Don't be so quick to want to respond to them, truly listen to them.
[00:05:28] Avoid distractions.
[00:05:30] Put down your phone and don't think about the next point that you want to make while the other person is speaking.
[00:05:37] Far too many times I have stopped mid-sentence and have said, you're not listening to me or you're over-talking me because you are so focused on what you want to say that I'm just going to pause and let you finish because obviously you are distracted on your phone.
[00:05:56] You're very distracted and wanting to respond.
[00:05:59] So just avoid those distractions.
[00:06:02] And paraphrase and reflect on what is being said.
[00:06:06] A phrase like, what I think I hear you saying is, and repeat what it is you think you heard them say.
[00:06:14] Because that, of course, shows that you're engaged and it helps clarify points.
[00:06:20] Pitfall number three, overloading with too much doggone information.
[00:06:25] It's easy to bombard people with too much information, overwhelming them with the details, long-winded explanations.
[00:06:35] And you know, too much information can result in the core message being lost.
[00:06:42] So how do you avoid it?
[00:06:44] Prioritize your information.
[00:06:46] Ask yourself, what is essential for the person that I'm communicating with?
[00:06:51] What do they need to know?
[00:06:53] And lead with those key points.
[00:06:55] Also use the rule of three, which is what I love and try to do as much as I possibly can.
[00:07:02] This is where you're grouping your ideas into three main points to help your audience retain the information.
[00:07:09] And keep your message concise and focused, especially if you are or when you are addressing large groups or doing presentations.
[00:07:20] Pitfall number four, emotional hijacking.
[00:07:25] Have you ever had a situation where the emotions are running high and communication has gone completely to the left?
[00:07:33] It is derailed.
[00:07:34] It is not what you intended the conversation to go because you now have anger and frustration and anxiety because those things can cause us to react impulsively, leading to words and worst of all, actions that we will later regret.
[00:07:53] And we all know that emotional responses can cloud our judgment and escalate conflicts.
[00:07:59] This actually just happened to me recently in which I'm working with the training lead and she was already emotional from the day.
[00:08:09] She hadn't eaten.
[00:08:11] She was tired.
[00:08:13] The pressure is getting to her.
[00:08:15] And she had asked me a question that I gave her an answer.
[00:08:20] She had asked me if I had been complete with a task and come to find out we were talking about two different things.
[00:08:30] She asked me if I had been complete with the task.
[00:08:32] I said, I heard you reporting that out, but no, we don't have any of that.
[00:08:37] She was emotionally hijacked.
[00:08:39] She swore up and down.
[00:08:41] She's sending me screenshots.
[00:08:42] She's saying this is what I said.
[00:08:44] When come to find out what she was referring to was something completely different.
[00:08:51] She had been reporting on this, of course, the pressure of that.
[00:08:55] And she was coming at me in a way that I just needed to pause and do these things.
[00:09:03] So I'm going to tell you what I did as I was in this emotionally hijacked pitfall.
[00:09:08] I first, of course, practice emotional regulation.
[00:09:12] And what I mean by that is I took a moment to breathe and collect my thoughts before I responded,
[00:09:19] because I was already plugged in and tuned into how her day was, the pressure,
[00:09:25] everything that would warrant me to be acting in such a way.
[00:09:29] And I said, let me just pause, practice, like I said, emotional regulation,
[00:09:34] breathe before I respond and just add to it.
[00:09:38] I also stuck to the facts.
[00:09:42] And one thing that I had said to her was, I write down everything that I do on a daily basis.
[00:09:49] So when I was able to pull up not only what I write down, but I also put it on our weekly status
[00:09:57] and time sheets, I was able to dive and stick directly to the facts of during the time in which
[00:10:03] she said that I said I had completed something, I was able to show her that, no, this is what
[00:10:10] I was referring to.
[00:10:11] It was a miscommunication or misunderstanding on your part.
[00:10:14] By me sticking to the facts, I was able to separate the emotions from the message.
[00:10:20] And I was able to focus on the issue rather than how she was approaching me in a left manner.
[00:10:29] And then I used the statement I to express my feelings without assigning the blame.
[00:10:37] Instead of, you know, you might want to say, I feel frustrated when, instead of saying you
[00:10:43] never listen.
[00:10:45] What I was able to say to her was what I'm experiencing you as in this moment, instead of saying you're
[00:10:53] tripping, you didn't pay attention to what I told you weeks ago.
[00:10:57] That's how I was able to avoid that pitfall of emotional hijacking.
[00:11:01] And the last communication pitfall, number five is ignoring nonverbal cues.
[00:11:08] Communication isn't just about words.
[00:11:10] It's nonverbal signals like body language, tone of voice, facial expressions, which is why
[00:11:16] I have to be off camera a lot of times because those things, nonverbal signals, like I just
[00:11:23] mentioned, can carry significant weight and ignoring those cues can lead to disconnects,
[00:11:29] especially when there's a mismatch between what's said and what's shown.
[00:11:34] So how do you avoid the pitfall?
[00:11:36] Pay attention to both your own and others' body language.
[00:11:40] I just said that sometimes I have to go off camera or I don't even go on camera because I have to ask
[00:11:45] myself, am I showing openness, eye contact, nodding, or am I showing disinterest, like crossing my arms
[00:11:53] or looking away, just showing disinterest by not being engaged.
[00:11:58] You can also avoid it by aligning your nonverbal communication with your verbal message to enforce
[00:12:04] trust and clarity.
[00:12:06] And I'm going to add here, be mindful of cultural differences in nonverbal communication.
[00:12:12] What might be appropriate in one culture?
[00:12:15] And the reason why I point this out is because of the industries that I've been in, like I said,
[00:12:19] technology, information technology, where we have many different cultures in this space.
[00:12:24] Definitely want to be mindful again, because what's appropriate in one culture may not be in another
[00:12:30] culture.
[00:12:31] The differences between these five pitfalls and really effective communication and ineffective
[00:12:38] communication is often subtle, but it can be profound.
[00:12:43] By avoiding these five common pitfalls, lack of clarity, failure to listen, overloading with information,
[00:12:52] emotional hijacking, and ignoring nonverbal cues, you can build, I've experienced it, I know it,
[00:12:59] you can build stronger relationships, resolve conflicts more effectively, and inspire those around you.
[00:13:06] Remember, communication isn't just about what you say.
[00:13:12] It's about what others hear and feel.
[00:13:16] Thank you for joining us this time on The Messy Mind Podcast.
[00:13:20] Please visit our website at themessymindpod.com.
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[00:13:38] Always remember to embrace the messiness.
[00:13:41] It can lead to your light bulb moments.