Season 5/Episode 26: Stay True, Stay Calm, Stay Cool: 5 Essential Tips for Dealing with Difficult People

[00:00:04] [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to the Messy Mind Podcast, a show to support you in seeing the messiness can lead

[00:00:10] [SPEAKER_00]: to your light bulb moments.

[00:00:12] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm your host, Tammy L. Davis.

[00:00:26] [SPEAKER_00]: This is the absolute perfect time to introduce this subject in this podcast episode.

[00:00:32] [SPEAKER_00]: First of all, let me just say thank you so much for joining me in this episode.

[00:00:37] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm so happy that you are here.

[00:00:39] [SPEAKER_00]: And I truly hope that this information, these tips that I'm going to share really

[00:00:45] [SPEAKER_00]: resonate with you in our daily lives when we're at work on a flight that is in the air.

[00:00:52] [SPEAKER_00]: And you know what I'm talking about?

[00:00:54] [SPEAKER_00]: We're even running a simple errand as we stand in line waiting to check out.

[00:00:59] [SPEAKER_00]: We inevitably encounter difficult situations and more importantly, difficult individuals.

[00:01:07] [SPEAKER_00]: Now how we handle these moments can define our day, impact our mental health and also

[00:01:15] [SPEAKER_00]: influence our professional and of course personal relationships.

[00:01:19] [SPEAKER_00]: However, over the years I have found five core strategies that I found incredibly helpful

[00:01:27] [SPEAKER_00]: in staying true to my authentic self while dealing with challenging individuals.

[00:01:33] [SPEAKER_00]: Now truth be told, trust me, if you would have caught me a few years ago,

[00:01:38] [SPEAKER_00]: I would be sharing a different strategy.

[00:01:41] [SPEAKER_00]: But through the support of a program that my husband and I went through years ago,

[00:01:46] [SPEAKER_00]: through of course, maturity and Father God, I've come up with different strategies

[00:01:54] [SPEAKER_00]: that when I'm in a situation and someone is acting a plum full,

[00:01:59] [SPEAKER_00]: I know again how to stay true to myself and really have a different approach

[00:02:05] [SPEAKER_00]: in handling difficult people.

[00:02:09] [SPEAKER_00]: Grab your pen, your pencil, pause, get a moment where you can really sit down

[00:02:15] [SPEAKER_00]: and focus on these five strategies or these five tips on how to handle difficult people.

[00:02:22] [SPEAKER_00]: Tip number one, stay true to your calm self.

[00:02:27] [SPEAKER_00]: Imagine you're the eye of the storm, calm and centered, no matter what's swirling around you.

[00:02:33] [SPEAKER_00]: When you're faced with a challenging person, it's so easy to I call it Peter Poppaw,

[00:02:40] [SPEAKER_00]: Pamela Poppaw.

[00:02:41] [SPEAKER_00]: No pun intended if I have a Peter or Pamela listening to this episode,

[00:02:45] [SPEAKER_00]: but it's so easy to go right with that challenging person

[00:02:50] [SPEAKER_00]: when you're faced to face with them.

[00:02:52] [SPEAKER_00]: But I'm going to implore you to take a deep breath

[00:02:56] [SPEAKER_00]: and envision yourself responding with the same kindness that you would show a friend.

[00:03:02] [SPEAKER_00]: It's important for you to know that your peace can actually be contagious

[00:03:07] [SPEAKER_00]: and just might calm the situation.

[00:03:10] [SPEAKER_00]: So in that moment where you have a Pam or Peter Poppaw,

[00:03:14] [SPEAKER_00]: you're faced with a challenging person, you ask yourself,

[00:03:17] [SPEAKER_00]: do I want to match the energy that they're giving me?

[00:03:21] [SPEAKER_00]: Or do I want to shift the complete situation?

[00:03:25] [SPEAKER_00]: And again, be contagious with me being peaceful and just calm the situation.

[00:03:32] [SPEAKER_00]: So tip number one again, stay true to your calm self.

[00:03:35] [SPEAKER_00]: Tip number two, walk in their shoes for a moment.

[00:03:40] [SPEAKER_00]: Think of a time when you were having a rough day

[00:03:43] [SPEAKER_00]: and perhaps you weren't at your best.

[00:03:45] [SPEAKER_00]: It happens to everyone.

[00:03:47] [SPEAKER_00]: Am I right?

[00:03:48] [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe the difficult person you're encountering is in the middle of their worst day

[00:03:53] [SPEAKER_00]: and acknowledging this doesn't excuse their behavior

[00:03:58] [SPEAKER_00]: and it doesn't excuse their bad behavior,

[00:04:01] [SPEAKER_00]: but it can help you respond with a bit more patience and kindness.

[00:04:07] [SPEAKER_00]: One of the things that I always tell my daughter

[00:04:10] [SPEAKER_00]: when she comes home, when she comes from school, we always have a debrief.

[00:04:15] [SPEAKER_00]: And she's always talking about how someone didn't act a certain way.

[00:04:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Why did they act a certain way?

[00:04:22] [SPEAKER_00]: She's also on the basketball team with other girls

[00:04:25] [SPEAKER_00]: and you get a mix of personalities on that basketball team

[00:04:28] [SPEAKER_00]: and you don't know who's going through what in that particular day.

[00:04:33] [SPEAKER_00]: So she'll come home and she'll talk about, you know,

[00:04:36] [SPEAKER_00]: how this person was acting, how this person was acting.

[00:04:39] [SPEAKER_00]: And I always ask her, well, number one, how did you respond?

[00:04:43] [SPEAKER_00]: And number two, do you think about what they may have been thinking

[00:04:49] [SPEAKER_00]: or what they have gone through earlier that day to warn that behavior?

[00:04:53] [SPEAKER_00]: Not excusing it.

[00:04:55] [SPEAKER_00]: But I'm just giving her this tip at an age

[00:04:59] [SPEAKER_00]: where if she can just walk in their shoes for a moment,

[00:05:03] [SPEAKER_00]: it might support her and it really does support her

[00:05:07] [SPEAKER_00]: and operating with a little bit more patience and kindness.

[00:05:10] [SPEAKER_00]: Tip number three, draw your line in the sand gently.

[00:05:14] [SPEAKER_00]: You know yourself best.

[00:05:16] [SPEAKER_00]: You know your values, you know your limits.

[00:05:19] [SPEAKER_00]: And when someone crosses the line, it's like they're stepping

[00:05:22] [SPEAKER_00]: into your personal space uninvited,

[00:05:26] [SPEAKER_00]: politely but firmly like you would a nosy neighbor.

[00:05:31] [SPEAKER_00]: Let them know where your boundary is.

[00:05:34] [SPEAKER_00]: So something like I hear you, but let's keep our voices down.

[00:05:39] [SPEAKER_00]: Can work wonders.

[00:05:41] [SPEAKER_00]: Tip number four, pick your moments.

[00:05:46] [SPEAKER_00]: As you know, your energy is a precious resource.

[00:05:49] [SPEAKER_00]: And one of the things that we've adopted in our household

[00:05:53] [SPEAKER_00]: and one of my go to models is I don't have nothing to do with that.

[00:05:58] [SPEAKER_00]: When someone is coming at me a certain way

[00:06:01] [SPEAKER_00]: and their energy is all and I don't want it to be my energy.

[00:06:05] [SPEAKER_00]: I say I don't have anything to do with that.

[00:06:08] [SPEAKER_00]: You wouldn't waste your favorite perfume or cologne on a trash can, right?

[00:06:13] [SPEAKER_00]: When it doesn't smell right, you know that you go and do something else.

[00:06:16] [SPEAKER_00]: And I know that's dramatic, but that is how I want you to view your energy.

[00:06:23] [SPEAKER_00]: Similarity, decide if engaging with a difficult person is worth your energy.

[00:06:28] [SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes the most powerful response

[00:06:31] [SPEAKER_00]: is not to respond at all, saving your energy

[00:06:35] [SPEAKER_00]: for what truly matters to you.

[00:06:38] [SPEAKER_00]: Because again, your energy is a precious resource.

[00:06:42] [SPEAKER_00]: And tip number five, the last tip, ask for backup when you need it.

[00:06:47] [SPEAKER_00]: Remember, it's OK to not handle everything alone.

[00:06:51] [SPEAKER_00]: If things when you're dealing with that challenging person,

[00:06:53] [SPEAKER_00]: like I say, a Peter Pan pop off and things are getting too overwhelming.

[00:06:57] [SPEAKER_00]: Call in your team or anyone else who can support you

[00:07:02] [SPEAKER_00]: in a way that is going to diffuse the situation.

[00:07:06] [SPEAKER_00]: Remember, asking for support or asking for backup when you need it.

[00:07:10] [SPEAKER_00]: It's not a sign of weakness, but a smart move to keep the situation,

[00:07:17] [SPEAKER_00]: to keep you, to keep everyone involved, saying and potentially shift

[00:07:22] [SPEAKER_00]: the situation from a difficult one to on the road of being calm.

[00:07:28] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm hoping that these five tips, number one,

[00:07:30] [SPEAKER_00]: stay true to your calm self.

[00:07:32] [SPEAKER_00]: Number two, walk in their shoes for a moment.

[00:07:35] [SPEAKER_00]: Number three, draw a line in the sand gently.

[00:07:39] [SPEAKER_00]: Number four, pick your moments.

[00:07:41] [SPEAKER_00]: And number five, ask for backup when it is needed.

[00:07:45] [SPEAKER_00]: Just a few tips and learning how to navigate handling difficult people.

[00:07:52] [SPEAKER_00]: That's it for this episode of the Messy Mine podcast.

[00:07:55] [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much for tuning in.

[00:07:58] [SPEAKER_00]: And I want to hear from you.

[00:07:59] [SPEAKER_00]: I just shared five tips on how to deal with difficult people,

[00:08:03] [SPEAKER_00]: challenging situations like always.

[00:08:06] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm saying Pam and Peter Popoffs.

[00:08:08] [SPEAKER_00]: I hope you found these tips insightful.

[00:08:12] [SPEAKER_00]: However, I want to know if you have tips on how you deal

[00:08:17] [SPEAKER_00]: with difficult people or challenging situations,

[00:08:20] [SPEAKER_00]: please feel free to share them as a comment in the podcast platform.

[00:08:25] [SPEAKER_00]: You are listening to this episode

[00:08:27] [SPEAKER_00]: and you can also send me an email directly.

[00:08:30] [SPEAKER_00]: And my personal email is in the show notes.

[00:08:34] [SPEAKER_00]: Also, if you have any questions or topics that you would like us to cover

[00:08:37] [SPEAKER_00]: in future episodes, please feel free to reach out to me.

[00:08:41] [SPEAKER_00]: Until next time, remember to embrace the messiness.

[00:08:45] [SPEAKER_00]: It can lead to your light bulb moments.

[00:08:48] [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for joining us this time on the Messy Mine podcast.

[00:08:52] [SPEAKER_00]: Please visit our website at themessyminepod.com.

[00:08:56] [SPEAKER_00]: Make sure to subscribe to the podcast so you'll never miss an episode.

[00:09:01] [SPEAKER_00]: While you're at it, if you found value in this episode,

[00:09:04] [SPEAKER_00]: we appreciate your rating on Apple podcast or simply tell a friend about the show.

[00:09:10] [SPEAKER_00]: Always remember to embrace the messiness.

[00:09:13] [SPEAKER_00]: It can lead to your light bulb moments.